I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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