if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Welp...herpes.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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