True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
