Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
