they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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