sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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