Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
