i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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