so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
