Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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