Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
