she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
