my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
