Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
