i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
