in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
