it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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