i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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