Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
