at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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