I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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