i just wanna soil my oats bro
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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