my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
