If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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