It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
