She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
