she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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