There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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