I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
