He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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