Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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