Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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