Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
