I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
