When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
