Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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