hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
