i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
