So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
