Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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