Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
