You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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