I just cut my nipple shaving
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
