suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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