yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
