This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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