I skipped work to stalk him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
