man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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