Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
this hospital has no fireball
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
