I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
only you would photoshop your dick
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
