It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
