My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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