he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
