it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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