no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hippo gnu deer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
