Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
