I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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