I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
