i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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