i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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