now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
