what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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