So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
