Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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