I am puke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize