So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
