Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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